i’ve knowingly and unknowingly code-switched myself for most of my life, which would qualify me as a protagonist in imtiaz ali’s stories.
in school, i was the quiet, diligent one. in my neighbourhood, i was the opposite. the switch would flip between worlds. and for a long time, i didn’t question it. i felt safe performing it.
maybe i was protecting my insecurities. of being misunderstood. of being seen. of not being good enough.
coming from a humble background, i’ve been conditioned to do well. to perform well, because that’s what a capitalist world rewards. but underneath that drive there’s always been a restless hum: why does it matter? what is the point? who am i?
2018 in 2018, mid-semester of my sophomore year, i walked away from architecture. i’d realised i was on a mistaken path. no plan b, and no good answer for anyone who asked - just enough courage to be honest with myself.
2019 still, in india a degree is the entry fee for being taken seriously. i was a science student and math didn’t bore me, so statistics it was. the rest, i told myself, i’d figure out as i went. i was two years behind, and it sucked.
2019-20 somewhere in there i started running a self-help community. for ten months i tried leading with nothing but raw presence. that season cracked me open. i understood self-growth. and i started to rebuild.
2020-22 then covid landed in the middle of it, both a boon and a bane. something shifted. i fafo’d my way through 2020 to 2022, and when things went back to normal i landed at a creative studio. (a lore for later.)
now a long time and some life experiences later, i moved on from the studio that once felt like a permanent place. i finally understood michael scott.
it was a hard chapter to close. but sometimes better things are waiting.
right now, i’m in the phase of career rebuilding. it’s quiet, slow, inconvenient, and beautiful.
i’m someone who gets misread a lot, often creating the wrong perceptions in people’s minds (you see… the same childhood pattern).
some think i’m unapproachable or serious - probably because i can be quiet, observant, intense when i care.
and through it all, i keep circling back to one question:
who am i when i’m not proving anything?
by now you’ve probably figured that i derive a lot of my meaning from career & work. that’s the honest part.
i don’t have a single label for what i do - and that’s the point. i’m a mix of a nerd, singer, operator, creative, designer, entrepreneur, mirror, misfit, and work-in-progress. i’m not here to play roles anymore.
i want to become someone who lives with truth in his bones and peace in his heart. someone who chooses from love, not fear.